Hurting
This song by Christina Aguilera really hits home for me. I miss you Mom and wish so desperately that I had even one more day with you…
Lyrics:
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ohh, ohh
I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you’ve done, forgive all your mistakes
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won’t be there
Oh, I’m sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won’t admit
Sometimes I just want to hide ’cause it’s you I miss
And it’s so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ohh
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
Oh, I’m sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself, oh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I’ve missed you
Since you’ve been away
Oh, it’s dangerous
It’s so out of line
To try to turn back time
I’m sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn’t do
And I’ve hurt myself
By hurting you
Image Credit: Nicolas Raymond on Freestock.ca
Oh God I Hurt too.
How can it ever be OK she is gone?
It can’t.
I was struggling with how to express the wall of hurt that still smacks me and this sidebar showed up in the June/July AARP Magazine
http://www.aarp.org/entertainment/style-trends/info-2015/melissa-rivers-aarp-magazine.3.html
Why Losing a Parent Hurts at Any Age
When a parent of an adult dies, some view it as a rite of passage. Some feel you should take that death in stride, handle loss in an adult manner.
What does that mean? Not be sad? Be grateful Dad didn’t die when you were a child? That would be underestimating grief. Loss does not diminish because you are an adult or because your mother or father lived a long life.
Here’s what most people don’t understand: Whether our parents live near or far, are emotionally close or distant, they anchor us in the world. Even though we know they will die someday, most of us can’t fathom a world without them. Can you imagine a world without a sky? Of course not. It has always been there.
Often we lose a parent after a long illness, but sometimes the death is sudden. For some, the call comes on an otherwise idle Thursday. Out of the blue, our world turns upside down without warning. How can this be? Mom was fine, and now she is not. Dad was here, and now he is not.
Sudden death compounds the loss. That’s because there is no preparation, no goodbye, just the loudest absence one could ever imagine. As a result, in sudden death, the denial will be longer and deeper. The more sudden the death, the longer it may take to grieve the loss. Give yourself that time.
Our society places enormous pressure on us to get over loss. But how long do you grieve for your mother of 40 or more years? The answer is simple: You grieve for as long as you need to.
— David Kessler, founder of http://www.grief.com
“Can you imagine a world without a sky? Of course not”…
I love you Ree. And no matter if things could have been different for this reason or that, by any one of us, of this I am Sure… Mom Loved Us. It is hard to lose the sky…
Love,
Dee